Hoaxing Amazon’s Customer Reviews

Amazon has been the leading champion of customer reviews of their products. It’s a fantastic shopping tool, but what happens when your customers yank your chain? Consider how you’d handle insincere customer reviews as you read the Amazon customer feedback for that legendary cheeseball, David Hasselfhoff.

Listmania for David Hasselhoff

• QUITE POSSIBLY THE WORST ALBUMS EVER MADE – part 3:
  A list by cary s whitt, The Midwest Music Guru
• kEWL tHINGS A dREAM sTREET fAN sHOULDN’T gO wITHOUT!!!!!1:
  A list by Britty, kewl person
• Xmas gifts (books & CDs) for people you dislike:
  A list by vidiot_y2k, Politically Incorrect Chump

Our Customers’ Advice

See what customers recommend in addition to, or instead of, the product on this page.

• 2 people recommended Love Songs of the Tone-Deaf in addition to Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [IMPORT]
• 2 people recommended Viral Diarrheas of Man and Animals instead of Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff [IMPORT]
• 1 person recommended Oh, Yuck: The Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty in addition to Watch Out for David Hasselhoff [EP] [EP] [IMPORT]
• 1 person recommended SUICIDE instead of Very Best of [IMPORT]

Customer Reviews of David Hasselhoff

Early morning I wake up and focus my eyes on the giant 10 by 6 poster of Him, the mulleteering monarch, the keeper of world harmony, gazing benevolantly down from the ceiling.

---

The day I first heard this CD, I now refer to it as my own personal D-Day. (David Day, of course.)

And ‘Hot Shot City,’ oh my god, easily the highpoint of the album. Buy this album, because David deserves a larger yacht.

---

I used to be an Iraqi insurgent but after attacking and blowing up the latest road block I stumbled upon what I can only describe as nirvana – David al-Haselhoff’s greatest hits. Why oh why was this walking god amongst men not sent to us before? When I played it on a looted stereo I was instantly struck by the melodies that could only have been sent to earth by angels. I was sent into a frenzy of excitation that could only be previously achieved by shooting Americans.

---

David Hasselhof. Just the name alone brings to mind great leaders. He is the modern day renaissance man of music. His tecnique rewrote the books on not only the physics of how the wave-form is shaped, but soo much more. He tells tales of love and tragedy. He performs the ritual slam dance with funk fusion ferocity on your ears with his hypnotic musical trance. If you play Watch Out for David Hasselhof 4 times slower than normal it plays the forbidden Zulu tribe dance of love

This is truly an astounding recording! Not since John Lennon declared that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus, has a recording caused such a global phenomena.

---

The song “Hot Shot City” is particularly good, the best song ever to feature a red Ferrari in the lyrics.

---

Before Hasselhoff, no one seriously thought of rock music as actual art. That all changed in the 1990s, though, when Hasselhoff created an undeniable work of art which remains, after a number of years, one of the most influential albums of all time.

---

I am now on my 14th copy of this incredible, wonderful, marvelous, sensuous, astonishing, mind-blowing, fantastic, prodigious, huge, phenomenal, stupefying, inconceivable, incroyable, unglaublich, glorious, ersatz, pleasant, insipid, tasty slab of scorching sonic ambrosia. Those who doubt the ascendancy of ‘The Hoff’ are truly the boorish offspring of feral land-trolls. The track “Hot Shot City” is particularly tempting.

---

At last, music’s finest offerings have been collected into one compact, throwable disk. A spinnable, flingable museum of pop culture’s most beauteous tunes. Thanks to the new, amazing “CD” technology, over 75 minutes of your favorite ballads, anthems and love songs have been culled and brought to you on this single flick-able album.

And not one, not two, but 18 tracks are all from the master of music himself, David Hummenchantz. But this is no coincidence- his unshaven body of work is legendary. Everyone with at least one ear has heard of “Dance Dance D’Amour” or “Believe.” So many of his chart-topping hits have topped the charts.

But put together, these songs form a potent suppository of melodic umph. The effect of hearing 18 straight tracks of David’s voice- a voice that many listeners have compared to an aroused donkey mounting a Volkswagen- is almost too much to bear. There are reports of some listeners ending their lives before the third track.

So listen to “Hot Shot City” before sticking your head in an oven. That song is particularly good.

---

That’s it for me today. The problem with April Fool’s Day is that if you try to post anything serious people will think you’re putting them on. – LJ