Lately I’ve noticed that cans of things that used to include scoops – coffee, for instance – no longer come with scoops.
It’s as if the new Kraft Foods announced that eliminating scoopers would save millions of dollars and put the company on a path to record earnings.
All across America families are transferring the old scooper to the new coffee can, baby formula can, and drink mix can. Millions of homes are one careless moment away from tossing away their only scooper. With no more being made, scooped food will be a thing of the past.
How should you prepare for the coming Scooperocalypse? Everyone else who’s predicting dire events suggests buying gold and guns. Therefore I’m recommending that your Scooperocalypse plans include stockpiling gold double eagle coins, an AR-15 rifle and ammunition, and enough scoopers for your entire family and unprepared neighbors. You may even want to buy additional scoopers to barter in the coming scooper-based economy. Buy them as soon as possible before runaway scooperflation sets in.