Environmental Ghoulism

Monday, June 2nd, 2008 | Environment |

Via Ace of Spades comes this Australian Broadcasting Corporation greenhouse calculator to calculate when you should die to protect the planet.

I went through the ABC’s greenhouse calculator once and found out I should die at age 2.8, according to them. For the planet. I tried again giving the “average” answer for all questions and ignoring the question about how my money is spent (same as the first time). With those answers the people who made this software say that I should die at age 24.3.

This is a ghoulish, anti-human approach to environmentalism. I can’t believe someone would write software for an audience of children telling them when they should die.

Alt title: Greenhouse Calculator is death, Logan. Unless you run!

6 Comments to Environmental Ghoulism

Tam
June 2, 2008

The collective would have let me live until age 8.6.

I felt so bad about it that I got in my car and drove around the block a couple of times and resolved to spend more money on dunking seabirds in crude oil.

Les Jones
June 2, 2008

The Greenhouse Calculator is death, Logan. Unless you run!

tkdkerry
June 2, 2008

Age 2.6 ! That’s 51.8 years of hogging more than my fair share! And with my family history, I should have another 35-40 to go! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Craig T.
June 3, 2008

This is crazy. I guess I missed the part that we were here for the earth and not the other way around. I’m 22 years over my limit. Is there any hope for me?!?

theirritablearchitect
June 3, 2008

Craig’s got the prize for the winning answer, and in tribute to the death cultists, I’m going to do my part to upset them even further, by letting my detroit V8 powered, 60’s muscle car sit in my driveway and do nothing other than idle on June 12th, National Carbon Belch Day.

It’s real, it’s here, come join.

Can’t wait.

theirritablearchitect
June 3, 2008

Look into celebrating National Carbon Belch Day, June 12th.

It’ll be fun.