Uncyclopedia is in town. From the Captain Crunch entry:
Captain Horatio Magellan Figaro Crunch (born “Horshak Khrun? II”, after his wookie Mother) is, without a doubt, the most feared pirate in all of naval history. Sometimes confused with other noted buccaneers such as Your Mom, Benny the Tulip, John Draper, McFall and Mark Twain, this is due mostly to these lesser swashbucklers taking credit for Crunch’s exploits that were overheard in many a dockside whorehouse.He is a known terror to all Seven Seas, most of the oceans, a few rivers, and even a couple of log flume rides. Skilled in the use of both cutlass and pistol, as well as breakfast cereal, few privateers would even think to tangle with the Captain of the S.S. Guppy these days, especially after Crunch’s last rival, Jean LaFoote, was marooned on a Soggie infested island with pistol, powder and only one shot.
Contrary to popular belief, Cap’n Crunch is not a real captain, but actually one rank lower, at Cap’n, which should be pronounced /kapmmm/.
It’s authoritatively funny.
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