Star Trek: The Abridged Script

is up at The Editing Room:

Suddenly, ERIC BANA appears on a screen.

ERIC BANA
I demand that your captain board my random-looking bundling of metal spikes and slightly curved surfaces.

FARAN TAHIR
Seeing as how the only way an in-person discussion differs from what we’re doing now is that the former offers you a way to kill me, I’ll go ahead and comply.

He DOES, and ERIC kills him.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH
Alright, that makes me captain. Someone get my wife to an escape pod while she delivers my son.

CHRIS HEMSWORTH’S WIFE
Chris, no! You have to come with me, a lack of a father figure will surely turn our son into an insufferable douchebag.

Bonus! Abridged Scripts for Watchmen, Terminator Salvation, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine.