Star Wars design FAILs

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 | Star Wars |

John Scalzi’s Guide to the Most Epic FAILs in Star Wars Design:

R2-D2
Sure, he’s cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion — and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: “Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we’ll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That’s just madness.”

How about the sheer enormity of the freakin’ Death Star? The estimate at that link is that the first Death Star was 74 miles in diameter. Other estimates put it at 500 miles or more. Weapons platforms are usually a teensy-weensy bit more mobile than a small moon. At that size hyperspace travel is impossible, so the Empire’s “ultimate power in the universe” consists of threatening to destroy rebelling planets in the four centuries it would take to reach them.

My complaint about light sabers is that they ought to have a lanyard, considering how often Jedi drop them. Also, I agree with the commenter who said a really useful Force power would be “turn off your opponent’s light saber as yours passes his and then slice him in half.” Or, heck, just turn yours off and back on.

Hat tip to Glenn.

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