Amazon Reviews You Can Use: Fresh Whole Rabbit

Amazon – Fresh Whole Rabbit:

By P. Breakfield IV “Tom” (Greenville, SC United States)
I’ll keep this short and sweet. We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it, I suppose for eating. Anyway, our children were traumatized and Easter is not the same holiday that it used to be for us. On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.

P.S. The rabbit tasted very good.

By Brad Ramirez (Denver, CO)
This goes great with the pelt, whiskers, and bunny eyeballs that I purchased on eBay. Now I have a whole rabbit! Thanks!

By V. Zhirinovsky “Vlad the Mad” (Virginia, USA)
I am Director of Unholy Sacrifices for a prominent pagan bloodcult. Since our traditional sacrifical practices have been banned in 189 countries and the moon, we are now allowed only to use animal carcasses purchased on the internet. Let me warn you, Baal-Hammon will NOT be appeased by this offering. The Dark One will only accept sacrifices of mammals larger than a badger.

By Bill “Bill” (Maryville, TN USA)
While I’m sure the rabbit tastes fine, I have to wonder… why does the part where Amazon shows what people who bought this item also bought display four enema devices and one teeny tiny thong? I’m kind of horrified.

By Elvis_Nixon (Oil Trough, Arkansas)
How many weekends have I spent, in the loincloth, knife clenched in my teeth, running through the fields trying to find a rabbit? (A bunch, trust me on this, a bunch.) All so I can have something to sacrifice on the altar once I get to the cave.

Now, with this, home, fix a cocktail, go through the day’s mail, finish my drink and drive over to the cave, yank this carcass out of the box and offer this at the feet of my dark lord and master, boom, done. I’m happy, my dark lord and master is happy, everybody wins.

Bonus! Zubaz Pants

Hat tip to Ann Althouse.