Found while tidying up files on the hard drive.

A boy tells his mother, "When I grow up I want to be a musician."
His mother tells him, "Now, honey, you can't do both."

What's the difference between a musician and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you cut up a banjo.

What do you call someone who follows musicians around?
A drummer.

How does a bluegrass band know when the stage is level?
Drool comes out of both corners of the banjo player's mouth.

Know some others? Post them in comments. I've heard a bunch of viola jokes I can't recall right now. Something about throwing a viola down a mine shaft.

I got up about 4:30 and then went back to bed. Just before the alarm went off I had a dream.

Melissa and I were vacationing in some exotic location. Towards the end of the dream, two Englishmen were telling us a good place to go snorkeling. Earlier in the dream, we're talking to someone with a Hawaiian accent. The little scriptwriter in my head that composes dreams is, I'm sorry to say, a bit of a hack. My dreams often have discongruities and plot holes that wouldn't stand up to repeated viewings, which is probably why he works in such ephemeral media.

To get to our first destination, we had to cross a swinging plank bridge with ropes on each side. This bridge had a steep arch in the middle we had to ascend. (Swinging bridges can't have arcs, a fact that my scriptwriter is apparently ignorant of, or maybe he was exercising creative license in this fluid medium.) After we struggled to the top, Melissa slid down the other side, rocketing to the bottom as she tried to grasp the ropes.

She arrested her fall and made her way back up to me. As we descended to shore, the bridge became unsteady and began twisting around and around. I remember the sensation of being upside down then right side up.

After the bridge stopped twisting, we headed down. I reached land first. Then the bridge broke. Melissa jumped clear into the water and swam to shore. I was glad she was a good swimmer.

You don't think this is my brain's way of dealing with the wedding in four days, do you? Nah.