Les Jones

Seanbaby’s Superfriends Page - The Greatest Web Site on the Entire Internet

Monday, September 7th, 2009 | Comic Books, Funny Ha-Ha | Permalink | No Comments |

Seanbaby’s Superfriends Page. So awesome.

Apache Chief:

It’s insulting enough that they made Apache Chief a complete idiot, but I’m surprised they didn’t have him selling fireworks out the back of the Hall of Justice. I guess they thought pausing four minutes between each word was Indian enough. Now that I mention it, I don’t think he was Apache or a chief. His name doesn’t make any damn sense. That’s like putting a white guy on a team of Native Americans and naming him “Minnesota President.”

And now that I look at his bad tan, he might not even be an Indian. He’s the same color as my neighbor’s cat when I shave it. The Super Friends probably just found a growing guy, dressed him up in a Halloween costume, and hit him in the head until he sounded like Tanto. Yeah, sorry about that guy too, Native Americans.

Wonder Woman:

She gets a lot of crap for her star panties even though everyone on her team wears pretty much the same outfit. It’s like every superhero went swimming one morning and said, “Shit, guys. We don’t have to go home and change! We could just go fight crime like this.” I guess it does look a little bit cheap on Wonder Woman, though. Samurai’s only wearing bloomers and gogo boots too, but he’s from Japan, and there’s that insane cultural gap. We’re lucky he’s not wearing dead fish and a pink cowboy hat. Maybe this is another gender double standard like how boys can have sex with girls without being called lesbians, but Wonder Woman should have at least put on a skirt.”

Black Vulcan:

In the seventies, when you were black, your super hero name needed to remind us. If Captain America was black, he wouldn’t have been a captain. They would have called him Blackman America and he would have only fought crime in discos. Black Manta was just “Manta” for a few seasons before the writers found out the guy in the middle of the submarine wreckage was black.

The white Super Friends all had names that described their powers. Aquaman, Batman, Hawkman, Flash… you kind of had an idea what their powers were even before they announced them outloud every time they used them. But anyone ethnic got named after the country they’re from or what color they were. If Apache Chief was white, he’d be Grow Man or Large Lad. And Samurai? He wasn’t a Samurai. That doesn’t mean anything, it’s just the only Japanese word they knew. It’s like naming Batman “Cowboy” or naming Green Lantern “Baseball Player.” They named the Mexican Super Friend “El Dorado.” That was a city made out of gold. Yeah, it sounds Mexican, but it’s nonsense. If the Super Friends hired a Swiss guy, you know they’d name him Hot Chocolate. If a black guy hadn’t already taken it, of course.

Dirty word alert.

Continue reading the rest of this post right here ›››

Amazon Reviews You Can Use: Bizarro Comics

Tuesday, September 1st, 2009 | Comic Books, E-commerce | Permalink | No Comments |

Amazon:

By Bob S. (New York, United States)
This am bad book. It am full of stories about Bizarro World, home of Bizarro, the handsome duplicate of Superman. Every story start with Bizarro Code: “Us do opposite of all earthly things! Us hate beauty! Us love ugliness! Is big crime to make anything perfect on Bizarro World!” Me cry every time me read this book. Me hate it so much, me give it to all my friends. Since book is so bad, you should buy lots of copies.

By Heath Hanlin (North Syracuse, NY USA)
This book am so awful. Sometime me read and feel very mad at universe. Me read to me 4 year old son. Most comics am not violent enough for he. This am ’cause made long time ago when comics having more blood. Now we talk bizarro all over house. Make us sad sad sad.

Previously - Amazon Reviews You Can Use: Fresh Whole Rabbit

Tags: amazon, reviews you can use

Watchmen review

Monday, March 16th, 2009 | A&E, Comic Books | Permalink | 2 Comments |

Here be spoilers

I had read Watchmen three times before seeing the movie. Going into the theater my biggest question mark was “how much will they tone down the comic book?” The answer is that they didn’t tone it down at all.

If anything the sex and violence is much more graphic owing to the nature of film versus drawings. In the movie when Night Owl breaks a guy’s arm in the alley scene you see and hear the compound fracture and it’s much more horrifying. You’ve seen movie violence before, but not like this. The violence is unapologetic and unrelenting.

The sex (between Dreiberg and Jupiter) is likewise more sensual and human than the comic book. No one holds anything back here.

Watchmen is now my favorite comic book movie, eclipsing X-Men 2. Lots of movies have good acting and action and gadgets, but not many have emotional impact. X-Men 2 had that and Watchmen even moreso - you can’t watch it without feeling powerful emotions for the characters.

One of the most fantastic scenes in the comic book is Dr. Manhattan’s time-spanning origin story. In the movie it was absolutely mesmerizing. You feel his innocent, careless love for his first wife and you feel her agony at the betrayal when he leaves her for a younger woman.

What follows are ratings by character portrayal.

Rorschach - A
Rorshach is someone who disregarded Nietzche’s admonition that “Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” This was a difficult character and they nailed it thanks to the director’s faithful rendering of the comic book and Jackie Earle Haley’s incredible acting. With the mask on he’s Rorschach. Without the mask on he’s Walter Kovaks, which is the hard part, the human part.

Night Owl - B
Dan Dreiberg’s a nuanced character. He’s alternately a nebbish and an ass kicker as he goes in and out of costume. The film captured that, but the tone wasn’t quite right. Overall the performance was too Chevy Chase for me. On the other hand the dream scene with Silk Specter was amazing.

(I think the movie flubbed two of the best scenes in the graphic novel involving these two characters - the early “You quit” scene and the later scene in which Dreiberg tells Rorschach how hard it is to be his friend. In both scenes the dialog is the same but the movie storyboarding isn’t as good as the comic book.)

Silk Spectre II - B+
She’s like Dreiberg - transforming from an unfocused mess to a laser as she goes into superhero mode. I think they got her mostly right, though I admit I didn’t pay rapt attention to what was a supporting character in the book.

Ozymandias - C
Nite Owl was a little too Chevy Chase and Ozymandias was way too David Bowie, and a too young Bowie at that. In the comic Ozymandias’s personality had a joie de vivre at one end and a certain sadness at the other. In the movie that all gets compressed into mindless arrogance. The movie suffered greatly from not having the scene in which Ozymandias has just murdered millions in the hopes of saving billions and then pleads to an omniscient, disappearing Dr. Manhattan, “Jon, wait, before you leave. I did the right thing, didn’t I? It all worked out in the end. Jon?” It humanized him by showing that he, too, had doubts that would never be extinguished.

Dr. Manhattan - A
As good as you could expect and as good as the comic book, if not better. Looking over the book again this weekend I think Manhattan works better on the screen than on the printed page. The Mars crystal palace scenes were great, too.

The Comedian - A
Jeffery Dean Morgan looked just like him and got his personality exactly right. Like the book the movie tracked Edward Blake’s life arc from  young and cruel to old and brokenhearted.

New Dick Tracy villain: the Torch Singer

Wednesday, February 11th, 2009 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

Suburban Philly woman charged with 7 arsons; was seen on store video singing her plans:

DREXEL HILL, Pa. - Police in a Philadelphia suburb say a 19-year-old woman accused of arson was caught on a surveillance camera singing, “The fire department is going to be mad at me.”

Police say Amanda Gessner touched off 7 blazes in trash and brush between 3 a.m. and 5:45 a.m. Tuesday within blocks of where she lives in Upper Darby Township.

Officials say Gessner was witnessed earlier in the evening at a local convenience store singing the ditty about the fire department. Her tune was caught on the store’s surveillance camera.

Tags: duhhh, videotaping our crime was our best idea ever

Five-word “Dark Knight” Movie Review

Sunday, July 27th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

Lives up to the hype.

Watchmen - Tales of the Black Freighter

Friday, July 25th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | 1 Comment |

Part of The Watchmen storyline involves “Tales of the Black Freighter,” a comic book one of the characters reads that parallels events in the main story. The producers of the upcoming Watchmen movie chose (wisely, I think) to not confuse movie audiences with a story-within-the story, but to instead include Black Freight on the eventual DVD release.

Boredomfestival has collected all of the Black Freighter story segments from the graphic novel version (er, minus lots of frame art) into one page.

Batman and Iron Man vs. Spiderman and Thor: Who is More Realistic?

Monday, July 21st, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | 4 Comments |

Slashdot:

jmcbain tips a fascinating interview in Scientific American with a professor of kinesiology and neuroscience (and a 26-year practitioner of Chito-Ryu karate-do). The question was, how much training would it take for a normal person to become Batman? The professor says: “You could train somebody to be a tremendous athlete and to have a significant martial arts background, and also to use some of the gear that he has, which requires a lot of physical prowess… In terms of the physical skills to be able to defend himself against all these opponents all the time, I would benchmark that at 10 to 12 years.” The problem is, even after that amount of training, no one could remain on top of their game for more than a few years. And “Batman can’t really afford to lose. Losing means death — or at least not being able to be Batman anymore.”

For a time I preferred “realistic” superheroes like Batman and Ironman over Spiderman (who got his powers by the unlikely avenue of a radioactive spider bite) and Thor (who is a god).

Now I’m not so sure. God, human, or radioactive spider-bitten human, you only get 24 hours in your day. Ironman and Batman have to split their time between being CEOs of multinational corporations, building their own equipment, training, and having the social lives of playboy billionaires, while also shoehorning in some crimefighting.

It’s easier to believe that Peter Parker is juggling superhero work, taking care of Aunt May, dating Mary Jane, and staging Spiderman photos for the Daily Beacon Bugle, especially since he’s usually doing at least one of those things badly. At least he doesn’t have to build and program his own Spider Computer or engineer his personal transportation.

History Channel’s “Batman Unmasked: The Psychology of the Dark Knight”

Friday, July 18th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | 4 Comments |

I caught this show the other night and enjoyed it. Even my wife who isn’t into comic books liked it. Upcoming episodes:

Monday, July 21 10:00 PM
Tuesday, July 22 02:00 AM

Is “The Incredible Hulk” Better Than “Iron Man”?

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

First there were the X-men movies, then the Spider Man movies, the new Batman reboot starring Christian Bale and most recently Iron Man. Now The Incredible Hulk carries on the winning streak of well-executed comic book movie adaptations starring A-list actors.

The Incredible Hulk movie begins with Bruce Banner living in the slums of Brazil. (You see the experiment that turned him into The Hulk during the credits.) It’s a daring visual and cultural departure from what you’d expect, and it works. The opening scenes are just a hint of the visuals that are in store for the movie. And by visuals I mean cinematography, not CGI. The CGI ranges from mostly good to occasionally great, especially when it’s combined with other elements as it is in the raining cave scene in the second half of the movie.

Part way through I decided that The Incredible Hulk movie was better than Iron Man. Part of it is that vagabond Bruce Banner is a more sympathetic character than billionaire playboy Tony Stark. It helps that Banner has a mutual love interest, while Stark has a gorgeous woman who adores him and that he neglects. Advantage: Hulk.

Iron Man wins on CGI. Part of the thrill of that movie is how well they brought Iron Man to life on the big screen. Iron Man also has the better love interest. Gwyneth Paltrow is both prettier and a better actress than Liv Tyler, who doesn’t even bother to act in her first scene. Two advantages to Iron Man.

For leading men, Robert Downey, Jr. has more charisma than mopey Edward Norton, but Norton’s mopeyness works for him here, and Tony Stark’s character is ultimately a self-absorbed jerk. Call it a draw.

Mostly, though, it comes down to the villains. Dave Campbell likes to say that superheroes are only as good as their villains. Even in the comic book Iron Man lacked for good villains. In the movie treatment the villain is Obadiah Stane (Jeff Bridges), a traitorous friend who steals the original Iron Man armor and develops a more refined suit, but it’s ultimately less powerful than Stark’s version 2.0 armor. The only reason their fight is even a contest is that in uncostumed life the bad guy sneak attacks Stark and steals his improved power supply. Otherwise Stark’s more-advanced armor would have made the fight last all of two seconds.

And what is Stane’s motivation? He wants to be, like, rich and powerful and stuff.

In The Incredible Hulk the villains are more threatening and their motivations are developed from the very beginning. General Ross (William Hurt) was in charge of the super soldier program that accidentally turned Bruce Banner into The Hulk. Now Ross is trying to fix his mistake without admitting he made it in the first place. All the while he’s battling for the affection of his daughter, who is in love with Banner.

Emil Blonsky (Tim Roth) is an aging soldier, past his prime, who wishes he had the vigor of his youth. After his team’s first defeat, Ross approaches Blonsky with the promise of regaining the power of youth and much more. All he has to do is take a dose of Banner’s blood to acquire a fraction of Hulk’s powers. When Ross and Blonsky fail to defeat The Hulk a second time Blonsky forces another scientist to give him even more of Banner’s blood, which turns him into the brutish, Hulk-like Abomination for the film’s final battle.

So for the villains we have, on the Iron Man side, The Dude. On the Hulk side, William Hurt and Tim Roth. Advantage: Hulk.

I’ll have to watch both when they come out on DVD to be sure, but I’m pretty sure “The Incredible Hulk” is a better comic book movie than Iron Man, but mostly because Iron Man didn’t bother to spend much time fighting a supervillian.

Saw Iron Man. It Really is Awesome.

Monday, May 12th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

The movie is as good as everyone says it is. The effects are believable and the acting talent is excellent. Robert Downey, Jr., is amazing as Tony Stark, the billionaire drunk scientific genius immature self-destructive and occasionally selfless jerk of an action hero. It may actually be better than my previous comic book adapation, X-Men 2. We really are living in the golden age of comic book movies.

Iron Man Opens Today

Friday, May 2nd, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | 3 Comments |

95% positive on Rotten Tomatoes. I’ve going to let my hopes get up for potential dashing.

Watchmen Movie Stills

Friday, March 7th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | 1 Comment |

Treacher’s got ‘em. I always figured Night Owl’s character would be hard to reproduce onscreen because of the goofy costume, and sure enough that’s the least satisfying of the bunch. Ozymandias is challenging, too (in the comic the crazy dude walks around Antarctica practically naked), but I like the look of him, especially the actor’s face.

Bonus Rorschach pic here. The movie’s due out March of next year.

Movie: “Fanstastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”

Monday, February 4th, 2008 | A&E, Comic Books | Permalink | 2 Comments |

(Home sick. Watching movies.)

I loved comic books as a kid, so I can’t help but watch comic book adaptations. Even though I didn’t much like the first Fantastic Four movie I had some hope for this one because the second movie in these franchises is often better than the first.

The basic storyline isn’t bad, and involves some venerable Fantastic Four characters and plots. Sue and Reed are trying to plan a wedding while dealing with the chaos that comes with their lives as members of the Fantastic Four. Meanwhile there are mysterious sightings around the world, followed by massive craters and cosmic energy readings. The mysterious sightings are the Silver Surfer, and his arrival signals the Earth’s imminent destruction.

One thing I liked about the movie was the portrayal of the media circus surrounding the heroes’ lives. Part of the postmodern comic world is viewing comic book heroes as real life figures who have to live in the same world as everyone else, by the same rules, and there’s no reason to think superheroes would escape media scrutiny and tabloid journalism.

Some of the scenes and dialog are obviously aimed at a teen audience. I’m a 39 year old man watching a comic book movie, so I can’t complain too much about the filmmakers not targeting me, but I cringed a couple of times and eventually fast-forwarded through the dopey bachelor party scene.

The casting for the Fantastic Four movies is mostly terrible. Reed and Sue Richards are too young. Victor Von Doom should not have a high-pitched voice. Even the Silver Surfer CGI could have used a personality upgrade. Unlike the Batman and X-Men movies, there isn’t a single A-list actor here.

Not recommended.

Fan of Iron Man? Fan of Cormac McCarthy?

Saturday, January 12th, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

Either way, go here.

Q: Whatever Happened to John Cox of “Cox and Forkum”?

Thursday, January 3rd, 2008 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

A: He’s illustrating a new comic book called Matamoros.

Hat tip to Ace of Spades.

P.S. - Cox and Forkum sounds dirty, doesn’t it?

Stills from “Watchmen” Production

Monday, December 17th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

Gametrailers.com and Hollywood North Insider have stills from the set of Watchmen, the movie adaptation of the Alan Moore comic book. If you haven’t read the comic, it was set against a backgrop of high crime, high unemployment, and the Cold War dread of the 1970s, which explains the desolation in those stills.

I tell people that “Watchmen” is to comic books what David Webb Peoples’ Unforgiven script is s to westerns. Unforgiven exploded some of the myths of movie westerns - in Peoples’ universe many of the western mainstay heroes were drunk, nearsighted, corrupt, attention-seeking, or just plain mean rather than selfless, golden-eyed, or pure of virtue. In Moore’s multi-generational comic book universe some of the heroes turn out to be drug addicts, egomaniacs, rapists, or clinically insane rather than clear-eyed defenders of truth, justice, and the American way.

Comic book movies can be hit or miss. We’ve had lots of bad ones, but we seem to be entering a sort of golden age of good comic book movies. Technology has provided computer graphics that are up to the task and economics have given us A-list acting and directing talent. The Bryan Singer-produced X-Men movies were unbelievably good, and the new Batman series starring Christian Bale is off to a good start.

“Watchmen” author Alan Moore has been disgusted by all of the previous movie adaptations of his comic books (”V for Vendetta,” “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen,” “From Hell”). This one is being directed by Zack Snyder (Dawn of the Dead, 300) so I’m willing to risk getting my hopes up for potential dashing.

Superman vs. Thor

Thursday, December 6th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | 2 Comments |

My hero Dave Campbell gives his answer to the question of whether Thor or Superman would win in a fight.

I won’t spoil his answer, but I’ll ask another question. Superman or Thor: who has the more ridiculous way to fly?

Superman can fly because he’s from Krypton, which is larger than Earth and has a much greater gravitational pull. Superman on Earth is like Buzz Aldrin jumping around on the moon - he should be able to jump really high, but he’ll come back down. He should be able to leap over tall buildings in a single bound, but not fly in any meaningful sense of the word. He couldn’t accelerate once he’s off the ground, he couldn’t navigate except by contorting his body or directing airflow, and he couldn’t hover in mid-air unless he flapped his arms like wings.

Thor flies by throwing his magic hammer Mjolnir and hanging on for the ride. My physics background consists of one year of freshman physics, so I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the hammer is a red herring. If the basic principle worked Thor or any other really strong superhero could fly just by throwing his arm really hard. You wouldn’t want to go fishing with a guy like that because he’d sail into the trees on every cast.

Here’s an example that doesn’t require super-strength. Are you strong enough to do a chin-up? Yeah? Okay. Now put both hands behind your neck and try pulling yourself into the air.

Did it work?

Jay Pinkerton

Friday, October 19th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

Bat Battle: Who’s The Best Movie Batman Ever?

BatClooney abandons the yellow Batsymbol and somber blacks, adopting a showy silver look not unlike a crime-fighting tuna fish. Improvements abound in the cowl region, which trades in the cumbersome ceramic headpiece of earlier incarnations for a large-nosed latex rubber mask, meaning batman can now blow his nose in-costume and possesses peripheral vision of at least an inch on either side. Watch out, criminals standing very slightly to his left or right!

Also worth noting: Against all reason and decency, the Batsuit now features nipples, possibly as part of some new Bat-lactation feature.

Cover Browser - the Greatest Web Site on the Entire Internet

Thursday, June 21st, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | 2 Comments |

CoverBrowser.com archive of comic book covers. It’s big fun finding the run of a particular title you used to read. My days of reading Iron Man pretty much correspnded to this series. I had forgotten all about the Dreadnought, but I just read an Iron Man tradebook that featured Whiplash AKA Blacklash. Memories…

Hat tip to Dave’s Long Box.

See also:
- Nemesisboy - the Greatest Web Site on the Entire Internet
- Mirrordot - the Greatest Web Site on the Entire Internet
- Leia’s Metal Bikini - The Greatest Web Site on the Entire Internet

Word of the Day: Underwear Perverts

Wednesday, June 20th, 2007 | Comic Books, Word of the Day | Permalink | 5 Comments |

Underwear perverts - the name Cory Doctorow suggests for Marvel and D.C. superheroes, to protest the fact that Marvel and D.C. Comics are claiming a trademark on the term “superhero” to prevent other entities from using the term.

Bonus! - Seanbaby’s Superfriends pages are a laff riot that are hours of fun. The Wonder Woman entry seems appropriate here.

Wonder Woman - She gets a lot of crap for her star panties even though everyone on her team wears pretty much the same outfit. It’s like every superhero went swimming one morning and said, “Shit, guys. We don’t have to go home and change! We could just go fight crime like this.” I guess it does look a little bit cheap on Wonder Woman, though. Samurai’s only wearing bloomers and gogo boots too, but he’s from Japan, and there’s that insane cultural gap. We’re lucky he’s not wearing dead fish and a pink cowboy hat. Maybe this is another gender double standard like how boys can have sex with girls without being called lesbians, but Wonder Woman should have at least put on a skirt.”

Hat tip to Swanky for the Sean Baby link.

Previous WOTD - Foo Fighters

Bully Says: Comics Oughta Be Fun

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

A new-to-me blog that just celebrated its second anniversary. Good stuff.

Like Comic Books? Go Read IsotopeComics.com

Friday, May 18th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

IsotopeComics.com.

Free Comic Book Day Saturday, May 5

Friday, May 4th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

Tomorrow is the sixth annual Free Comic Book Day. Go to a participating comic book store and get your choice of one of 28 free comics. Visit the site and enter your Zip code to find participating shops in your area.

Hat tip to Ace of Spades.

Let Dave Campbell Rock Your Saturday Morning

Saturday, April 21st, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | No Comments |

The Batmobile: What a Pain in the Ass.

Comic Book : “Death of Superman”

Thursday, February 8th, 2007 | Comic Books | Permalink | 1 Comment |

Now that I’m reading comic books again I wanted to read one that came out long after I quit reading comics - the “Death of Superman” series. It was a long series that was divided into multiple books. I recently finished three.

“Death of Superman” - So there’s this mysterious monster named Doomsday. He’s really, really strong. He and Superman get into a really, really big fight. He hurts Superman really, really bad, so bad that Superman really, really dies.

“A World Without Superman” - I can’t believe it! Superman is really, really dead!

“The Return of Superman” - Psyche! The first two tradebooks were fairly simplistic. The third installment is more complex. Four different superbeings claim to be Superman, and several of them seem to know Clark Kent’s secret. One is a young Superboy who appears to be a clone. Another is a cyborg, pieced together from what was left of Superman with mechanical parts. Another is a cold-hearted avenger. Different factions line up behind different Supermen, and no one - not even Lois Lane - is sure which one is real.

I also enjoyed young Lex Luthor. He isn’t Luthor’s son. When Lex Luthor was dying of cancer from his Kryptonite ring he cloned himself and transferred his memories to his clone. This time around Luthor avoids outright villainy and uses his wealth and scientific knowledge to pursue power and influence through mostly legitimate means. Yet Luthor still harbors a secret hatred of the Man of Steel, a hatred that always threatens to be his undoing.

Supergirl is now Luthor’s girlfriend. She believes in him, and hopes to change him, but he’s also cynically using her as part of his plan for revenge. She’s just too blinded by her love for him to see it.

The resolution of the story threatens the entire planet and destroys a city along the way. The first two books can be skipped, but “The Return of Superman” is good stuff.