Les Jones

Star Wars WRONG

Monday, October 19th, 2009 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

So wrong. Note to any nuns or Smurfs who read my blog: not recommended for nuns or Smurfs

Continue reading the rest of this post right here ›››

Scalzi on Star Trek design FAIL

Saturday, August 29th, 2009 | A&E, Star Wars | Permalink | 1 Comment |

John Scalzi’s Guide to Epic SciFi Design FAILs - Star Trek Edition

The silliness in Star Trek seems less like bad design and more like symptoms of low budgets and lazy writers.

• It takes too long to show the crew flying to the planet. Hellooo, transporter!
• “I’m behind on my alimony payment I’ve got this Gunsmoke script that CBS doesn’t want.” Hellooo, Star Trek goes to Wild West planet episode!
• The guy who plays Picard is a pretty darned good actor who can play costume dramas. Hellooo, wacky holodeck plot!

Star Wars design FAILs

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

John Scalzi’s Guide to the Most Epic FAILs in Star Wars Design:

R2-D2
Sure, he’s cute, but the flaws in his design are obvious the first time he approaches anything but the shallowest of stairs. Also: He has jets, a periscope, a taser and oil canisters to make enforcer droids fall about in slapsticky fashion — and no voice synthesizer. Imagine that design conversation: “Yes, we can afford slapstick oil and tasers, but we’ll never get a 30-cent voice chip past accounting. That’s just madness.”

How about the sheer enormity of the freakin’ Death Star? The estimate at that link is that the first Death Star was 74 miles in diameter. Other estimates put it at 500 miles or more. Weapons platforms are usually a teensy-weensy bit more mobile than a small moon. At that size hyperspace travel is impossible, so the Empire’s “ultimate power in the universe” consists of threatening to destroy rebelling planets in the four centuries it would take to reach them.

My complaint about light sabers is that they ought to have a lanyard, considering how often Jedi drop them. Also, I agree with the commenter who said a really useful Force power would be “turn off your opponent’s light saber as yours passes his and then slice him in half.” Or, heck, just turn yours off and back on.

Hat tip to Glenn.

“In the future, all black celebrities will look like Billy Dee Williams”

Saturday, July 25th, 2009 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

1985 Ebony gets 2000 Michal Jackson prediction all wrong, making him look like Lando Calrissian in 1983’s Return of the Jedi.

Han Solo, P.I.

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Via Tam and New Jovian Thunderbolt.

Tags: youtube

“Use the Force, Gospel of Luke”

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 | East Tennessee, Photos, Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Louisville Road, Lousiville, TN.

Googling around there’s a book, Christian Wisdom of the Jedi Masters, and something called the Christian Order of the Jedi. All 100% theologically sound I’m sure.

Steampunk TIE fighter, Darth Vader, and R2D2

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 | Star Wars | Permalink | 2 Comments |

TIE fighter, Darth Vader, R2D2. Lots more non-Lucas steampunk from that last source here.

And some steampunk Star Wars action figures.

Previously:

• Steampunk Star Wars

“Star Wars Bar” on the Richard Pryor Show

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Found via this Vanity Fair article about the Star Wars Christmas Special:

Among sources who worked within the Lucas organization, which was known in 1978 as the Star Wars Corporation, there are conflicting reports as to which person or company actually brought the idea of doing a holiday special to Lucas. According to Charles Lippincott, who at the time was in charge of marketing and merchandising for the company, CBS initially approached him and later Lucas with a slew of Star Wars ideas. Foremost on the network’s agenda, though, was a special. In the fall of 1977, with the film still in theaters, segments featuring the Cantina aliens on variety shows hosted by Donny and Marie Osmond and Richard Pryor “helped revive our box office,” Lippincott says.

It’s pretty funny and damned sure better than the Donnie and Marie Osmond Star Wars skit.

Tags: youtube

Do you know who wrote “The Star Wars Christmas Special”?

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Do you know who wrote “The Star Wars Christmas Special”? It was news to me. I won’t spoil it - go read Ace of Spades for the full context.

In the guy’s defense, he did try to talk Lucas out of setting a story among the Wookie, who can’t, you know, speak a language that human beings understand. “Suddenly, he says, the special was in danger of looking like ‘one long episode of Lassie.’”

In his anti-defense, of course, he wrote … “The Star Wars Christmas Special.” Guilty, I say. GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!

Star Wars - The Musical!

Tuesday, December 16th, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

or,

The Phantom Menace of the Opera

It is to suck.

I don’t reflexively hate movie-to-stage adaptations, or vice versa. Every Broadway show I reviewed here was a play based on a movie or a play that was later adapted to the silver screen, including the latest movie adaptation, “Doubt”. Most people think of “The Producers” as Mel Brooks’ long-running show starring Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane, but it was originally a Mel Brooks movie. More people have now seen it in Broadway theaters than ever saw it in movie theaters.

It isn’t that. It’s just that I don’t trust George Lucas as the safekeeper of his own creation. Every succeeding generation of Star Wars-themed “content” gets weaker and phonier.

Femtrooper formal wear

Wednesday, December 10th, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Previously:

• New Femtrooper Pics
• When Star Wars Meets Country Music
• Elvis + Star Wars = Elvistrooper
• Stormtrooper Bike Helmet
• Femtrooper Sithvixen: “guys love boob armor”
• That’s a Sweet Femtrooper
• WOTD: Femtroopers
• Non-traditional Stormtroopers

Vintage Donnie and Marie Osmond Star Wars craptacular

Thursday, November 27th, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | 1 Comment |

How have I never heard of this? It’s a six minute song and dance skit from the Donny and Marie Osmond variety show. The Osmonds are Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia, Redd Foxx is Obi-wan Kenobi, Kris Kristofferson is Han Solo, and Paul Lynde is a singing Grand Moff Tarkin. They actually got George Lucas to loan them the costumes for Chewbacca, Darth Vader, C3PO, and R2D2, which proves that everyone was on drugs back then.

The sound and video are out of sync, which come to think of it was true in the Seventies, too. At least the vertical hold is working, or else I’d have to wrap aluminum foil around the rabbit ears and beat on the side of the Zenith.

Tags: youtube

Hey, Star Wars fans!

Friday, October 17th, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | 1 Comment |

David Friedman at Ironic Sans has been on a roll now for months. Check it out.

That’s from A political campaign far, far away.

- I See AT-AT Walkers
- I See Darth Vader
- “Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold.”

Family Guy “Star Wars” Spoof Runs Again Tonight

Sunday, April 6th, 2008 | Star Wars | Permalink | 2 Comments |

If you missed “Blue Harvest” the first time it’s on again tonight on FOX.

Star Wars Tattoos

Wednesday, December 19th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | 3 Comments |

One of which is NSFW.

What kind of idiot do you have to be to get a Jar Jar Binks tattoo?

Overheard

Friday, November 23rd, 2007 | Quotes, Star Wars | Permalink | 1 Comment |

“Atlanta is the Mos Eisley of the South.”

New Femtrooper Pics

Wednesday, November 7th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | 3 Comments |

That gal on the left has a plunging neckline suitable for the aging, cougar femtrooper. The femtrooper on the left right looks like our old friend Sithvixen.

Via Fanboy.com.

See also:
- Femtrooper Sithvixen: “guys love boob armor”
- That’s a Sweet Femtrooper
- Word of the Day: Femtroopers
- Non-traditional Stormtroopers
- Leia’s Metal Bikini - the Greatest Web Site on the Entire Internet

Saudi Ruler Greeted by Darth Vader’s Imperial March

Saturday, November 3rd, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Tags: youtube

Life-Sized X-Wing Rocket

Friday, October 19th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | 3 Comments |

Tags: youtube

When Star Wars Meets Country Music

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2007 | Funny Ha-Ha, Star Wars | Permalink | 4 Comments |

If I was a country singer in search of a gimmick I’d wear a Darth Vader helmet and call myself Darth Brooks. Or maybe Garth Vader.

“You don’t know the power of the B side. I must obey my manager.”

“My new album is complete.”

“I find your lack of Faith Hill disturbing.”

“And now, your highness, we will discuss the location of your rebel moonshine still.”

“I see you’ve constructed a new doghouse. Your carpentry skills are complete.”

Don’t miss his hit single “I’ve Got Friends in Low Orbit” from his album, “Ropin’ Mace Windu.”

Bonus! - If you play a Darth Brooks song backwards your hand regrows and you get your space station back.

Darth Brooks or Garth Vader?

See also:
- Elvis + Star Wars = Elvistrooper
- Luke Skywalker: a One-man Play Performed by Cletis
- “Bloggin’ Tradition” by Hank.blogspot.com

Elvis + Star Wars = Elvistrooper

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | 1 Comment |

Two great tastes that taste great together, momma.

Photo from Retrocrush.

Chris and Josh went to DragonCon last weekend, too. Pics here and an Elvistrooper pic here.

Elvis Lyrics Rewrite Contest

Saw Elvis in a stormtrooper uniform. Wrote a song about it. Here it go.

“Well since Han Solo found me / I’ve got a new place to dwell
Inside the warm and squishy guts of / Tauntaun Hotel”

78 Reasons to Hate Star Wars Episode I

Friday, August 17th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | No Comments |

Chefelf:

Reason #2 - The Trade Federation

This yawner hits you early on while the classic introductory text is still scrolling up.

Turmoil has engulfed the

Galactic Republic. The taxation

of trade routes to outlying star

systems is in dispute.

Huh? Trade routes? What kinda plot is that? This sounds more like some boring course in American History than the plot for a Science Fiction movie. Isn’t this what started the War of 1812? Is Andrew Jackson going to be in this movie?

Someone said a better name for Episode I would have been How a Bill Becomes Law in Space. It’s as if George Lucas wrote the script after being audited by the IRS and getting his building plan rejected by the county zoning commission.

Man, I almost wrote “Steve K.” over the Vader guy’s head

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | 2 Comments |

Click for a larger version. Via Joe Powell.

Boston Globe “Man on the Street” is Kinda Odd

Wednesday, July 18th, 2007 | Media Behaving Badly, Star Wars | Permalink | 2 Comments |

From Bruce at MAss Backwards, the Boston Globe interviewed a New Hampshire “man on the street” for an article about Hillary Clinton.

“I am a Republican, but I would vote for her,” said Paul Giovannucci, 38, a general contractor from Nashua. “When he was president the economy was strong and we aren’t in all the mess we are in now. I think we have an idea how she would run the country based on how he ran things.”

Bruce Googled the guy and found a Paul Giovannucci of Nashua, NH on the page of the 501st New England Star Wars Imperial Army brigade.

And here he is back in his stormtrooper days:

Giovannucci may be a Republican, but he isn’t a chickenhawk Fighting 101st Keyboard Brigade wannabe. No, sirree. He’s out there in the shit, man.

5 Most Recent Tours of Duty

• Granite State Comicon
• - Free Comic Book Day @ Jetpack Comics
• Timothy Zahn ALLEGIANCE Book Release Nashua NH
• Timothy Zahn’s ALLEGIANCE Book Release Burlington MA
• Red Cross Blood Drive with WAAF

You know, I actually do give him credit for giving blood. That’s always a good thing.

Alt headline for the Boston Globe story: “Average Stormtrooper on the Street Endorses Darth Hideous.”

Star Wars Postage Stamps

Saturday, July 14th, 2007 | Star Wars | Permalink | 4 Comments |

My wife went to the post office this morning and came home with these new Star Wars postage stamps. This was the first I had heard of it. Nice! More at USPSJediMaster.com and StarWars.com.

Bonus! - The USPS R2D2 mailboxes are really cool, too. I can’t wait to see one on the street.