Les Jones

> Movies: "The In-Laws"

It's Memorial Day, so I took my fiancee, mother and sister to the movies. Three gals and a guy. Do you think we saw X-Men 2 or the Matrix Reloaded? Oh no. We saw the The In-Laws. Automatic one out of five stars.

The gist of the movie is that Steve Tobias (Michael Douglas) has a son and Jerry Peyser (Albert Brooks) has a daughter, and the two are soon to be wed. Isn't that precious? The twist is that Peyser is an uptight, sheltered podiatrist whose biggest conflict is the eternal struggle between man and toenail fungus. Tobias on the other hand isn't uptight or sheltered. He's some sort of flip, high-stakes spook who brokers nuclear submarines and commandeers Barbara Streisand's jet between family dinners.

It's fairly funny, but absurd in the way of spy movies. On the spur of the moment, Tobias can rescue an accomplice by carjacking a government vehicle using a remote control for a traffic light, explosive paste, a sleep gas injector, and a souped-up Cushman cart. Despite all of the techno toys and superior reconnaissence, he's a rogue, an outlaw, a lone wolf, a maverick, a renegade who never reports in and who never attends technical briefings to find out how to hack into the bad guy's computer. He just knows these things because he's, like, a super spy and stuff. It's a gift.

The fun part of the movie is watching bride and groom go through conniptions as their plans are repeatedly flummoxed by crazy dad's clandestine antics. That, and enjoying the sight of fannypack-wearing Peyser going apewire every five minutes because he's afraid of flying, or heights, or gunplay, or of the homoerotic advances of a French arms smuggler that lead to a hot tub scene and one of the movie's best lines:

"I, too, am married, but there are some things which I can only do with other men."
"Um, you mean, like, golf?"
"No! I'm not gay."