Les Jones

> Cheap Beer

This just in. The latest trend in beer drinking is Pabst Blue Ribbon. I drank PBR in college. Like twice. It's bad enough cold. It's downright awful just a few degrees above refrigerator temperature. The only fun thing about drinking PBR is screaming "PABST BLUE RIBBON BEER!" a la Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet.

If you want cheap beer that doesn't taste like death, try Olympia. It even comes with a built-in joke. "Q: How is drinking Oley like having sex in a canoe? A: They're both fucking close to water!" Har har!

Of course, if you've scaled the ladder of life and want something to show off your newfound social position you'll drink a more upscale brand, like Miller High Life, the Champagne of Beers™. I drank the High Life more than anything until I went on the Atkins diet. Then I switched to Miller Lite, which was low carb before low carb was cool - just 3 grams per serving. Now that I'm out of my trendy twenties, I rarely drink imports at home. Gimme a red, white and blue one, especially when it costs half as much.

In "The Millionaire Next Door" the authors interviewed high net worth individuals about their preferences and habits. Their surprising finding was that most wealthy people, particularly those who were self-made, didn't practice conspicuous consumption, and didn't drive fancy cars or wear Rolex watches, which were mostly bought by the wannabe rich. When the authors asked their subjects what beers they preferred, one millionaire replied "Budweiser and free."