Les Jones

Home Life > The lighter side of the ball and chain

The Onion has a great fake story, and the fake dateline is even set in Knoxville, TN: Breakup Hints Misinterpreted as Marriage-Proposal Hints.

KNOXVILLE, TN—Amanda Gentry, 25, has misinterpreted longtime boyfriend Wilson Crandall's recent breakup hints - including erratic behavior and strange, cryptic remarks about their future - as marriage-proposal hints.

"I can tell Wilson is getting ready to pop the question," Gentry said. "The last few weeks, he's been acting so weird. He keeps saying he needs to 'take stock of his life' and 'face some important decisions he's been putting off.' I hear wedding bells!"

Gentry has also misinterpreted Crandall's recent frugality as an effort to save up money for the future.

"It's so cute how he's trying to cut back on expenses," Gentry said. "We never go out to dinner anymore, or the movies, or even the bars. He must be working on one doozy of a rock."

Americans, married by Americans

There's going to be a new reality TV show called Married by America:

"MARRIED BY AMERICA" (tentative title) is a groundbreaking reality-based show that invites the viewing audience to be your personal matchmaker.

With the help of relationship experts, potential mates will be hand picked, especially for you.

Then, your closest friends and family will have the chance to meet these singles, and winnow them down to two.

All the while the home audience will be getting to know you and what you're looking for in love, so they can weigh in and make the final decision - which of these partners is right for you.

I told Melissa we should sign up. If America picks us to get married we'll get a free wedding out of the deal. If we're not picked, then we'll accept the opinion of complete strangers and go our separate ways.