Les Jones

Nifty > I Know What I'm Giving for Christmas This Year

I was at the post office this morning, and while I was waiting in line my eyes wandered over to the "Keep The Mail Safe" poster. It's an illustrated USPS chart showing what you can and can't ship via U.S. mail. If anyone knows where I can get one, email me, because I want to get one for Chris in fulfillment at work.

The poster covers explosives (a no no) and radioactive materials (tsk tsk). Good news: you can ship live scorpions. That's why the USA is number 1. Any person - black or white, man or woman, rich or poor - can ship live scorpions across this great country of ours. Also one-day old live poultry.

The basic premise of the postal mailability statutes is that anything “which may kill or injure another, or injure the mails or other property...” is nonmailable. Several statutory exceptions to this rule permit mailings of otherwise nonmailable matter under specified conditions. Statutory exceptions apply to live scorpions, poisonous drugs and medicines, poisons for scientific use, switchblade knives, firearms, motor vehicle master keys, locksmithing devices, and abortive and contraceptive devices.

Allrighty then.

Comedy Zine has some other useful tips for postal workers subsequent to 9/11:

If you receive mail with a white powder substance on it, you should first inhale the white powder substance through a dollar bill. If you catch a buzz then it was only cocaine. Sit back and enjoy the high. If, however, you inhale it and start to die then you should call the Center for Disease Control Emergency Response. They are in the book.