Les Jones

Funny Ha-Ha > More Politicians Announce "We're Gay, Too!"

"At a point in every person's life, one has to look deeply into the mirror of one's soul and decide one's unique truth in the world, not as we may want to see it or hope to see it, but as it is," Saddam Hussein intoned today from the prison cell where he awaits trial as a war criminal. "And so my truth is that I am a gay dictator."

At a press conference Saturday Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed reporter's continued queries about his closed-door dealings with energy companies in formulating the nation's energy policies. "You're missing my T, my truth. I am a big gay stooge of the oil industry. And for this, I ask the forgiveness and the grace of my wife and my daughter Mary, who is also gay." Cheney announced that to preserve the dignity of his office he will resign effective January, 2009.

Matt Drudge has revealed the text of tomorrow's planned speech by Presidential hopeful John Kerry. "I am a gay Vietnam veteran. I realize the fact of this affair and my own sexuality if kept secret leaves me, and most importantly the president's office, vulnerable to rumors, false allegations and threats of disclosure. Also, I lied about Cambodia. I hasten to add that John Edwards is not gay. He's just really, really good looking." Rumors abound that Kerry made the announcement as a pre-emptive measure against a sexual harassment lawsuit to be filed by an unnamed North Carolina trial lawyer.

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