November 10, 2004

Funny Ha-Ha > Dick Cheney's Lesbian Daughter of Musician Jokes

See also Musican Jokes, Son of Musician Jokes, Bastard Child of Musician Jokes, and Test Tube Baby of Musician Jokes.

Q. What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A. A tattoo.

Q. How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. None. They let the keyboard player do it with his left hand.
B. Don't bother. Just leave it out--no one will notice.
C. One, but the guitarist has to show him first.
D. Six: one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light.

Q. Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
A. He had to break the window to get the drummer out!

Q. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Seven - one to hold the bulb and six to drink until the room spins.

Q. What happens when you sing country and western music backwards?
A. You get your wife and your job back.

Q. What's an accordion good for?
A. Learning how to fold a map.

Q: How many blues guitarists does it take to cover "Voodoo Chile"?
A: All of them.

KerryPodium1a.jpg

The next joke is long and dirty, so I'm putting it behind the more link.

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in here before."

The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on my way to find a job."

The owner asks, "What do you do?"

The guy says, "I write music and play the piano."

The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper looking for someone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for me if you're interested."

The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talent and musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifully than anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?"

The guy says, "I wrote that song myself. I call it Two Lesbians Fucking Their Brains Out."

The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a terrible name for such a beautiful song. Do you know any others?"

The guy smiles and plays again. Once more the owner is astounded by this guy's talent and musical abilities. Reluctantly, he asks the pianist the name of the song.

The guy answers, "I Fucked Her All Night Until She Couldn't Take Anymore."

The owner almost feints. When he recovers he says, "Ok, you play beautifully and the songs you have written are incredible. I will hire you, but you have to promise not to tell the patrons the name of your songs." The guy agrees.

That night the guy was playing the piano and the crowd was just as amazed as the owner was with this man's musical abilities. After playing two songs the crowd stood up and applauded. The guy was really pleased and stood up to take a bow. When he stood up and faced the audience, it was apparent that his zipper was open and his dick and balls were hanging out.

One of the patrons close to the piano says, "Sir, do you know your dick and balls are hanging out?"

The guy smiles and says, "KNOW IT? I WROTE IT!"

Posted by lesjones



Comments

I'm also fond off:

What does a stripper do with her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

Posted by: SayUncle at November 10, 2004

What do you call a guitarist with no girlfriend?

Homeless.

Posted by: Thibodeaux at November 10, 2004

q: how do you get a drummer off your front porch?
a: pay for the pizza

Posted by: skb at November 10, 2004

How many trumpet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
5 - one to do it, and 4 to say how much better they could do it.

How many clarinet players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but she'll go through a whole box of bulbs to find just the right one.

How can you tell there's a drummer knocking at your door?
The knocking speeds up.

How do you get a drummer off your front step?
Pay him for the pizza.

What is the difference between a trampoline and a cello?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

What is the difference between a dead trombone player in the middle of the road and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
-There are skid marks in front of the snake.
-The snake may have been on his way to a gig.

An anthropologist is visiting a primitive society. One night, he hears drums beating in the distance. Concerned, he asks one of the tribesmen what's up with the drums. The native says "Drums ok, but if drums stop very bad--run away."
The drums beat on for an hour. Still uneasy, the anthropologist asks again if things are ok. Again, the native replies "Drums ok, but if drums stop very bad -- run away."
After another hour, the drums stop. The native stops dead in his tracks and looks up and says "Drums stop! Very bad! Run away!!" Scared now, the anthropologist asks what happens next.
The native replies "Bass solo!"

Posted by: Rick at November 17, 2004

What's the definition of a trombone?
A slide whistle with delusions of grandeur

What do four trombones at the bottom of the ocean sound like?
a good idea

Posted by: Alyssa at February 17, 2005
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