Les Jones: Luke Skywalker: a One-man Play Performed by Cletis

January 04, 2005

A&E > Luke Skywalker: a One-man Play Performed by Cletis

Updated September 24, 2006.

Spotlight floods a lone man on the stage, seated on a barstool with a curlicue of cigarette smoke rising above his head like a world-weary halo.

My name is Luke Skywalker. I was born in a faraway galaxy on the lonely desert planet of Tattoine. I am a orphan on account of Darth Vader killed my pappy, and I never did know my momma.

When I got to be about 18 my friends all left and went to the Academy. I wanted to go to the Academy, too, but we wuz poor and I had to stay at home and help my aunt and uncle raise moisture crops.

Ben Kenobi was going to teach me to be a Jedi. Then Vader killed him, too.

Later on I went to Jedi school. Master Yoda tried to teach me the ways of the Jedi, but then my friends got mixed up in some trouble and I had to drop out. I tried going back but Master Yoda he up and died, too.

I was in love with a woman oncet, a princess, but she was in love with my best friend. Also, we figured out she was my sister.

One day my dead daddy showed up agin. He had some big scheme for ruling the universe. He wanted me to kill some guy. When I wouldn't go along with it he tried to kill me. Lucky all he did was chop off this here hand.

I finally had to give daddy the "come to Jesus" talk. After he got right with God we teamed up and opened a can of whoop ass on the emperor.

THE END

Posted by lesjones

Comments

I reckon the reason my daddy was so ornery was because he never did know his daddy. Obi-Wan told me that my daddy didn't have a daddy at all but that he was made from them mini-chlorines. I can't make heads or tails about that since he one time made out like the feller that was my daddy had killed my daddy. But then he let me know that my own daddy had killed hisself, except that he weren't completely dead, jest on a machine. 'Course that first part thar is what Obi-Wan done told me afore he died, and then it was after he died that he told me about how my daddy had killed hisself but not really.

I'm so danged confused sometimes I think I was the one that got throwed down that shaft. 'Course I did get throwed down a big ole space ventilation shaft one time, but that's a different time than the one I was a talkin' about thar before.

One thang I know is this. Ever' last bit o' this must be true from a certain point o' view. 'Cause it's way too confusticated fer somebidy to a wrote it down.

Posted by: Chris Range at January 05, 2005