Les Jones: Great Moments in Sarcasm History: the Poncho RBI

December 15, 2004

Funny Ha-Ha > Great Moments in Sarcasm History: the Poncho RBI

So the military uses something called the RBI (Re-enforcement By Indorsement) as a disciplinary measure. The RBI is sort of an essay the punishee has to write about their offense.

This is what happens when a smartass has to write an RBI because his drill sergeant caught him without his poncho at chow.

Another reason the poncho is useful in the mess hall is because of it's (sic) camouflage properties. For instance, if a drill sergeant catches me getting cake and ice cream, and is about to throw a tantrum, I put on my poncho and "poof!" I am renderered virtually invisible. I blend in with my surroundings and disappear!
Here are some uses of the poncho the military hasn't thought of yet:

Kevorkian parachute
Camouflage colostomy bag
Appropriate wear for those spur-of-the-moment combat toga parties
A hot, uncomfortable turban
One size fits all prophilactic (sic)

He also writes a Village People-inspired ode to the poncho called "Poncho Man."

Posted by lesjones

Comments

Heh! When i worked at a prison, one of the counselors had one of the inmates (who was a pretty sharp guy compared to other prisoners - which isn't saying much ordinarily but in this case is) to write a paper on why he was better than other people. The expectation, of course, was that he would see the light in his essay and conclude he wasn't better than everyone else. That didn't happen. He wrote (quite convincingly i might add) about how he was in fact better than other inmates. It was funny.

Posted by: SayUncle at December 15, 2004

You wouldn't happen to have a copy of that essay would you, Uncle? Sounds like it'd be an entertaining thing to pass around.

Posted by: Fox at December 15, 2004

Uncle, I didn't know you had worked in a prison.

I used to work with a guy who had been a cop for a while, and as part of that guarded inmates in the jail. He was very serious about being armed and having good home security. He was also very against motorcycles from having worked accident scenes.

Posted by: Les Jones at December 15, 2004

On the second round of the midwatch (00:00 hours or midnight to you civilians) on certain days such as Coast Guard Day or New Year's Eve, a watchstander can make his entry into the log in verse.

I did this once when I was stationed in New Haven CT on New Year's Eve 1993. The XO was always giving me a hard time, but in the co-miserating gallows humor way that's typical in the military. Like my friend Scott Nave says, if your troops ain't bitchin' they ain't happy. Well, XO is checking the logs the next day and he happens onto my little poem which had a few thinly-vieled references to our esteemed leadership.

He called me into his office, and it wasn't so much for a dress down as it was just to yank my chain about the verse. I pointed out that the watchstander's manual makes plain that it's usual and customary for that entry to be in verse. XO grabs the white binder off his shelf and flips the pages until he found the provision.

"Range! Out of all the things in the watchstander manual you need to pay attention to, you memorize the one about writing poetry on holidays. I'll be damned if you ain't the biggest sea lawyer I've ever found in this Coast Guard."

Thanks - I've worked hard to become so =)

Posted by: Chris Range at December 16, 2004