Les Jones

Nifty > The Christian Defense and the Vibrating Rear End Defense

From someone named Tom:

In my first years as a lawyer, I served as a prosecutor for a number of towns just outside Dallas. I handled the really sexy cases -- speeding tickets, barking dogs, high grass and weeds. My favorite defense was the "vibrating rear end defense" (and no, it's not what you think). It went something like this:

"But your honor, I couldn't possibly have been driving that fast -- my shock absorbers are broken, and the rear end of my car starts to vibrate when my car goes over (insert appropriate under-the-speed-limit number here) miles an hour -- so I never drive that fast."

Here's a Q&A from a defendant who decided to use what I call the "Christian Defense":

D: Your honor, I never speed -- I just don't believe in it. And because I'm a Christian and always tell the truth, you can believe what I'm telling you.

Me: I have your driving record right here, and it indicates you have two prior convictions for speeding. Did you forget about those, or were you being untruthful?

D: Oh, I completely forgot about those. And besides, [and I am not making this up] I couldn't possibly have been going that fast, because my shock absorbers are broken, and....