Les Jones

Funny Ha-Ha > Saddam Hussein's Old Timey Musician Joke Radio Hour

Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue.

Q: What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
A: New Age music.

Q: How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 12,001. One to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures of it, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

Q: What do you do if your bassist is drowning?
A: Throw him his amp.

Q: What happens when a concert promoter takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.

Q: What do you do with a horn player that can't play?
A: Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
Q: What do you do if he can't do that?
A: Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.

Q: What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

Q: Why do musicians tour the most in the summer?
A: So they can visit all their kids.

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Who doesn't love an accordion?

Q: What does it mean when an accordion player is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't.

Q: What's the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.

A trombone player and an accordion player are playing a New Years's eve gig at a local club.. The place is packed and everybody is absolutely loving the music .. shortly after midnight, the club owner comes up to the duo and says, "You guys sound great .. everybody loves you .. I'd like to know if the two of you are free to come back here next New Year's eve to play ?? ... The two musicians look at each other then to the club owner .. and the trombone player says "Sure .. we'd love to .. Is it OK if we leave our stuff here ??"

Hat tip to Ducks Deluxe for the jokes and Sista Smiff for the picture.

See also:
- Musican Jokes
- Son of Musician Jokes
- Bastard Child of Musician Jokes
- Test Tube Baby of Musician Jokes
- Dick Cheney's Lesbian Daughter of Musician Jokes - the best of the bunch