Les Jones: How to Survive and Prosper in the Coming Scooperocalypse

March 01, 2007

Funny Ha-Ha > How to Survive and Prosper in the Coming Scooperocalypse

Lately I've noticed that cans of things that used to include scoops - coffee, for instance - no longer come with scoops.

It's as if the new Kraft Foods announced that eliminating scoopers would save millions of dollars and put the company on a path to record earnings.

All across America families are transferring the old scooper to the new coffee can, baby formula can, and drink mix can. Millions of homes are one careless moment away from tossing away their only scooper. With no more being made, scooped food will be a thing of the past.

How should you prepare for the coming Scooperocalypse? Everyone else who's predicting dire events suggests buying gold and guns. Therefore I'm recommending that your Scooperocalypse plans include stockpiling gold double eagle coins, an AR-15 rifle and ammunition, and enough scoopers for your entire family and unprepared neighbors. You may even want to buy additional scoopers to barter in the coming scooper-based economy. Buy them as soon as possible before runaway scooperflation sets in.

Posted by lesjones | TrackBack

Comments

Thanks for bringing this looming catastrophe to our attention.

Has anyone checked on scooper proliferation in China and Russia? Are they developing first scoop capabilities? Are we facing a scooper gap that could lead to the next cold war?

As for your suggestion to buy more scoopers, better hurry. Look for the jackbooted thugs in Washington to outlaw scooper hoarding at any moment.

Posted by: at March 01, 2007

Les:

You got the first part, if there is going to be a shortage of scoops, you must first get guns and ammo. Scoops are rightly a last thing to horde in the face of coming Scooperocalypse.

But the idea I should horde scoops for people too stupid to see what is coming, that's heresy. I mean why would I stockpile all that weaponry if it wasn't to keeps these hordes of idiots from getting my scoops. If I have extra scoops for them, then I could just give them to them and wouldn't need the guns.

(All sarcasm aside, great post pointing out the strange reasoning some people take.)

Posted by: Ron at March 01, 2007