Les Jones

Environment > Divorce Makes Baby Gaia Cry

Environmental scientists have a simple proposition. If you're not willing to suffer silently in a loveless sham of a marriage for God, or for the children, won't you at least suffer silently in a loveless sham of a marriage for the environment?

Divorce leaves more than a trail of legal documents, stinging egos and uprooted kids. The split-ups wreak havoc on the environment.

A global trend of soaring divorce rates has led to a surge in the number of households with fewer people. The result: We collectively devour more space and gobble up more energy and water, say the authors of a new study published online this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

"Not only the United States, but also other countries, including developing countries such as China and places with strict religious policies regarding divorce, are having more divorced households," said co-author Jianguo Liu of Michigan State University. "The consequent increases in consumption of water and energy and using more space are being seen everywhere."

The study gives the down and dirty truths on exactly how much of Mother Nature's resources go down the tubes when unions are severed. But the remedy for such "squander" is made for TV: Fall back in love, or at least cohabitate.

This opens the door to other questions that environmental science may be able to answer:

• If Mother Earth loves us and brings the calming winds and soothing rains, why does She also bring tornadoes and hurricanes?
• What position does Gaia want us to have sex in?
• Do I really have to tithe to the Sierra Club? Is it 10 percent even if I recycle? Could we knock a couple points off if I vote for candidates who support light rail?
• If I see my neighbor driving an SUV should I stone him to death or should I cast him out of the village and declare his children unclean?
• What Would Gaia Do (WWGD)?

Bonus! - A group of Israeli environmentalists is asking fellows Jews to burn seven candles in their menorahs instead of eight to reduce their carbon footprint.