Les Jones

Mortgage Crisis > "Fannie Mae supplies the critical financial weed and beer to keep our national economic party going"

Over at Iowahawk Dave Burge explains the mortgage crisis in words any moron can understand. America Must Not Allow Me to Fail:

Clearly, in order to avoid a national economic catastrophe, Congress must act now to keep Fannie Mae afloat. But this only addresses part of a greater threat arising from looming financial instability in what I like to call the "Dave Sector." As some of you know, in the last few months I have fallen victim to the subprime mortgage crisis and FEMA's crappy Iowa flood prize packages. Without an immediate infusion of federal cash, Dave will be bunking with Fannie and Freddie at the bankruptcy rehab clinic, and the consequences are almost too terrible to contemplate.

For background on how Dave found himself an innocent victim in the current financial mess read Please Don't Destroy My American Dream:

In August, Linda from the mortgage company called and said that Visa had denied my credit card payment for the mortgage, so I told her to switch it over to my Discover. Then she called back and starts whining that it was denied too. I explained to her that I really couldn't put it on my MasterCard because I maxed that out to convert the basement into a dojo for a new-style martial arts school I'm developing, and that Sensei Dave would have her money after he signs up a few students. I also explained to her that for a older plus-size gal, she totally had it "goin' on," and that maybe we should get together at TGI Fridays for Happy Hour to discuss it, my treat, because my AmEx card was still good.

After five or six margaritas Linda seemed to calm down, and came up with another great financial plan: a home equity ARM. It turns out that in only three months the appraised value of my new house had risen by $50,000, and that First Coralville would lend me the difference! That would be enough to cover all my missed mortgage payments, with plenty left over for a sweet Yamaha dirt bike I had my eye on. We toasted to new beginnings, and my new $200,000 per year income.