Les Jones

How Could Jack Abramoff Look More Evil?

Influence peddler and all-around bad man Jack Abramoff plead guilty yesterday to charges of conspiracy, tax evasion and mail fraud. He left the hearings wearing a black trenchcoat and black fedora.

LATER: Barry has some write-in votes. One option I thought of after posting the poll: sadistic monkey companion. Everyone looks evil with an attack monkey on their shoulder.

Bill Hobbs

Bill Hobbs says he's quitting blogging. Based on Countertop's attempt to quit, which do you think is most likely?

Pluto to be Probed; Should We Probe Uranus?

From Bloomberg:

NASA's mission to Pluto lifted off from the Kennedy Space Center in coastal Florida today on a planned nine-and-a-half-year mission to visit the farthest known planet in the solar system.

The grand piano-sized New Horizons spacecraft was carried aloft on a Lockheed Martin Corp. Atlas V rocket at about 2 p.m. local time at Kennedy Space Center. The launch under partly cloudy skies was broadcast live on television.

Does Your Pee Stink When You Eat Asparagus?

Take the poll, then read the post.

What Won't You Be Doing Until Gays Can Legally Marry?

Brangelina are in the news:

Brad Pitt, the Hollywood do-gooder by proxy, says he won't be getting hitched to Angelina Jolie until the restrictions on who can marry whom are lifted.

"Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," the 42-year-old heartthrob reveals in Esquire magazine's October issue, hitting newsstands on Sept. 19.

That leads to this week's poll question:

Is it Art?

From Michael Hughes's Flickr photostream of postcards and tourist trinkets superimposed over the actual scenery they depict.

palace in Vienna

twin towers and b/w postcard november 1999

windmill landscape-windmill plays "tulips from amsterdam", rotates the vanes and lights up

Legal Thriller Jokes: Ace of Spades vs. McSweeney's

Ace of Spades, reporting on the sentencing of the penis pump judge:

In related news, I'm writing a trilogy about this judge and his polymorphously perverse pansexual exploits, to be called, in order, Oral Arguments, Hung Jury, and Penal Colony.

And now McSweeney's:

Titles Still Available for Taut, Fast-Paced Legal Thrillers.

BY LARS OSTROM

Approach the Bench
Motion to Strike
Travesty of Justice
Case Dismissed
Binding Arbitration
Continuance Granted
The Process Server
Can You Read That Back for Me, Please?

Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump

The feud between Rosie O'Donnell vs. Donald Trump has continued non-stop this week. It all started when Rosie O'Donnell made fun of Donald Trump after the Miss USA Pageant owner alowed bad girl Tara Connor to retain her crown. O'Donnell said that the twice-divorced Trump had no business judging anyone else's morals.

Trump responded by calling O'Donnell a loser who had failed at everything she had done.

O'Donnell made fun of Trump's combover and said he had gone bankrupt.

Trump said O'Donnell was ugly, and that he might send some attractive women to steal her longtime partner.

O'Donnell then called Trump "a pimp." Trump fired back, calling O'Donnell a "big, fat pig."

That leads to this week's poll question:

How "Tired" Was Paula Abdul?

Paula Abdul made the news with a widely-reported interview in which she slurs her words and appears tipsy. Abdul's publicist defended the "American Idol" judge, saying “She never drinks. I have known Paula Abdul since she was 13, and I have never seen her drink ever in my life. … And no, she is not on any kind of medication,” he said. “She was a little tired.”

That leads to this week's poll question.

Hat tip to Ace of Spades.

The Bat Boy Factor

So record and movie exec David Geffen made disparaging remarks about Hillary Clinton. Geffen said of Clinton, "I don't think that another incredibly polarizing figure, no matter how smart she is and no matter how ambitious she is -- and God knows, is there anybody more ambitious than Hillary Clinton? -- can bring the country together."

Clinton's communications director responded, "A day after Barack Obama goes out and eschews the politics of slash-and-burn, his campaign embraces the politics of trash."

Obama fired back, "It's not clear to me why I would be apologizing for someone else's remarks. ... My sense is that Mr. Geffen may have differences with the Clintons, but that doesn't really have anything to do with our campaign."

That leads to this week's poll question:

In the New York Post cover photo, don't you think Barack Obama looks like Bat Boy?

Admittedly, in that picture it's sort of a contest to see who looks the most like Bat Boy.

Rosie O'Donnell: "This is the first time in history that fire has ever melted steel"

Last week on the morning talk show "The View" Rosie O'Donnell advocated for the conspiracy view of the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Center, saying “I do believe that it’s the first time in history that fire has ever melted steel."

Preston Taylor Holmes* notes that, in fact, fire is pretty much what's always been used to melt steel.

Which leads to this week's poll question.

Remember - dumb people spout conspiracies to make themselves feel smart.

* Three names? It sounds to me like Preston Taylor Holmes is a serial killer! There, now I feel smarter.

What's the Greatest Car Chase in Movie History?

This Metafliter post prompts the question. Thanks to YouTube and Pollhost we can settle it now. Watch the clips and vote in the poll at the bottom. In chronological order:

Al Gore's Live Earth Concerts Coming Soon

To raise awareness of global warming Al Gore has organized Live Earth, a one day series of concert events across seven continents, including Antarctica. ("Are you ready to rock, Ross Ice Shelf?") This is a great public service to all of the Emperor Penguins who haven't heard about global warming.

Wait, what was the point of this again? Live Aid founder Bob Geldof is as mystified as I am. "But why is (Gore) actually organizing them? To make us aware of the greenhouse effect? Everybody’s known about that problem for years. We are all (expletive) conscious of global warming."

Too, I'm a little puzzled by something. According to Gore's book and documentary, An Inconvenient Truth, global warming is caused by greenhouse gases. One source of greenhouse gases is the burning of fossil fuels, as when bands and their fans travel to a concert in planes, trains, and automobiles. Another name for Live Earth could be The Concert to Make Global Warming Even Worse.

Tim Blair also noticed the contradiction. "Apparently Live Aid raised substantial funds for famine-wracked Ethiopia, and not a single one of the performers was caught hijacking grain from silos in Addis Ababa. Live Aid spawned Farm Aid, a US agricultural benefit headlined by Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp and Neil Young. Again, no farms were incinerated, no farmers imprisoned, and no farm animals touched inappropriately – although they were subjected to the songs of John Denver."

Which leads to this week's poll question.

See also:
- Sheryl Crow Cast as Bond Girl in Next 007 Film, "Stinkfinger"
- Imagine There's No Benefit Concert / It's Easy if You Try
- Raise Awareness of Raising Awareness of Raising Awareness! (Greg Gutfeld)

Nickelback's "I Wanna Be a Rockstar"

So this thing is getting tons of airplay. It's sort a stupid song ("Hey, kids! Drugs are great!"), but there's something in the lyrics that seems out of place.

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
with her bleach blonde hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary
in today's who's who
We'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial
well..
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

So how exactly does "the latest dictionary" fit into a life of rock-n-roll excess? That leads to this week's poll question.

Were you always a huge music buff? Was it your dream to become a rockstar? Does your son or daughter want to take piano lessons?  If you want to find the closest location of music lessons, sign online today. Learning a musical instrument is fun!  If you need to find sheet Music or if you want to find vocal lessons near you, the internet has all of your musical info!

Wear Baggy Pants, Go to Jail

Baggy pants bans sweeping nation:

Since June 11, sagging pants have been against the law in Delcambre, La., a town of 2,231 that is 80 miles southwest of Baton Rouge. The style carries a fine of as much as $500 or up to a six-month sentence. “We used to wear long hair, but I don’t think our trends were ever as bad as sagging,” said Mayor Carol Broussard.

An ordinance in Mansfield, a town of 5,496 near Shreveport, subjects offenders to a fine (as much as $150 plus court costs) or jail time (up to 15 days). Police Chief Don English said the law, which takes effect Sept. 15, will set a good civic image.

Behind the indecency laws may be the real issue — the hip-hop style itself, which critics say is worn as a badge of delinquency, with its distinctive walk conveying thuggish swagger and a disrespect for authority. Also at work is the larger issue of freedom of expression and the questions raised when fashion moves from being merely objectionable to illegal.

Other cities considering baggy pants bans include Atlanta, Georgia, Shreveport, Lousiana, Pine Bluff, Arkansas, Stratford, Connecticut, and Alexandria, Virginia.

That leads to this week's poll question.

Do you love shopping online?  You are a smart shopper if you do all of your shopping on the internet! Everyone knows online shopping is the best way to find everything you want, at the best prices!  Do you want to browse the best selection of clothing? If you are looking for a great pair of pants, the internet is just the source!  Do you want to find the best in womens clothing? We can help with that too!

I'll Bet Triticale Knows the Answer

If a competitor's new, improved loom threatens to put my textile factory out of business, would that be a looming threat or a threatening loom?

Do you need more information on the best telephone answering service? Our telephone answering services won't let you down!  Whether you need call center service to be there 24 hours a day, or just during peak hours, we can help!  Our reliable answering services can handle your calls with care and with ease!  Sign online today for all of your answering services needs!

Defensive Ammo: Regular, Premium, or Supreme?

Interesting thread on The High Road. What kind of ammo do you use in your guns intended for self-defense? The answers range from the cheapest Winchester White Box (WWB) to the most expensive rounds of Federal Hydra-Shok and CorBon.

With any ammunition for defense you want to shoot enough of it that you're sure it shoots to point of aim and that it functions reliably in your gun. For semi-automatics, many people consider 200 rounds to be a minimum before trusting their ammo. The super premium ammo costs about a dollar per round. How many people can afford to spend $200 to verify that a particular brand of ammo works with their gun? If you have multiple carry guns, multiply their number by $200. Suddenly the people shooting the cheap stuff seem like they've got a point.

I use mid-priced Remnington (158 grain SWCLHP* in .38 Special and 125 grain SJHP** in .357 Magnum) that in today's wildly inflated prices costs about $25 per 50 round box, or about fifty cents per round. WWB costs half that and the super premium stuff costs twice that.***

I'd hesitate to use WWB in a defensive gun. One reason it's so cheap is that it's never inspected by human eyes. I've seen pictures of some cock-eyed WWB cartridges with banged-up brass that made it to the store.

Which ammo do you use for self-defense?

* Semi-wadcutter lead hollowpoint. The 158 grain variety of which in .38 Special is known as the FBI Load because the FBI used it for years. It has an extremely good reputation.
**Semi-jacketed hollowpoint
***The .38 Special Winchester White Box I bought at Wal-Mart the other week cost 28 cents per round. For comparison, a pack of Ramen noodles at Wal-Mart costs 12 cents. For the price of a 50 round box of WWB .38 Special ammo you could eat Ramen for lunch and dinner for a month.

If You Quit Windows Would You Go Mac or Linux?

People seem to be staying away from Microsoft Windows Vista.

I was a hardcore Mac guy for a long time, but moved to Windows and don't mind it. I'll probably just keeping using Windows XP for the next few years at the very least.

But what happens if Vista doesn't get fixed, or the next version of Windows is even worse? Which would you switch to?

Mac
Pros: The platform is mature and stuff works. Lots of commercial software, too (especially Microsoft and Adobe). Great GUI plus command line tools.
Cons: The Mac would limit me to certain hardware. Software expensive relative to Windows and Linux. Every five years Apple completely changes their OS or processor, leaving users of older Macs in the dust.

Linux
Pros: Almost all of the software is free. Runs on generic x86 hardware. A chance to expand my Unix skills.
Cons: Some software not available. I still read about lots of goofy problems with Linux.

I should mention, too, that not everyone is so down on Vista. A couple of Windows admins have told me they like it just fine.

Digital SLRs: Canon or Nikon?

I'm looking at digital SLRs and I have to choose between Canon and Nikon. To give you an idea of the price range I'm considering, let's say it's a choice between the  Canon Digital Rebel XTi versus the  Nikon D40x.

Canon and Nikon are long-established camera companies and there seems to be plenty of lenses and accessories available for both. I've seen gorgeous photos taken with either one, and both seem to have happy owners. I suspect i'd be pretty happy with either one, but if nothing else I'm hoping to find out something about their relatives strengths that will help me decide.

Which should I get and why? Uses would be portrait and nature photography. I have a point and shoot digicam for snapshots. I plan on taking a non-credit photography class at UT, and the course description pointedly says it requires an SLR.

You're Not Supposed to Sleep on Pillow Shams?

So says Busy Mom:

Eventually, she just began bringing her own pillows with her when she visited, apparently in order to avoid the sham thing altogether.

A close friend of Busy Dad's stays with us from time to time. He just cuts to the chase, and for reasons unclear to me, he discards the regular pillows and sleeps on the decorative pillows.

I want my guests to be comfortable, but, pillow shams do not care for being washed with that kind of frequency, and, I sure as hell ain't gonna dry clean them.

While none of this is terribly tragic, it causes me low grade consternation, but, the final straw was when I realized my kids had this apparent gene deletion when I found the (fairly nice) shams from Busy Boy's room rolled up in the windows of his room to keep out drafts, and, I found Busy D. actually inside the pillow sham on his bed, sleeping-bag style.

I asked my mother and my wife, and they said it was fine to sleep on pillow shams. If you were ignorant and dumb and furthermore you were raised by wolves.

I dunno. I like the way the bed looks when its made and the sham-covered pillows are in their place. I just want them to do their duty as pillows. Our pillow shams are made from the same silky material as our comforter and are nice and comfortable. Why shouldn't I sleep on them?

Pity Us Poor, Poor Bloggers

New York Times - In Web World of 24/7 Stress, Writers Blog Till They Drop:

They work long hours, often to exhaustion. Many are paid by the piece — not garments, but blog posts. This is the digital-era sweatshop. You may know it by a different name: home.

A growing work force of home-office laborers and entrepreneurs, armed with computers and smartphones and wired to the hilt, are toiling under great physical and emotional stress created by the around-the-clock Internet economy that demands a constant stream of news and comment.

Of course, the bloggers can work elsewhere, and they profess a love of the nonstop action and perhaps the chance to create a global media outlet without a major up-front investment. At the same time, some are starting to wonder if something has gone very wrong. In the last few months, two among their ranks have died suddenly.

Which leads to this week's poll question.