Tag Archives: conversations

Conversation about the Jonas Brothers

FOUR YEAR OLD KATIE: I like the Jonas Brothers ME: Well, that’s a pretty good song. FOUR YEAR OLD KATIE: Did you know the Jonas Brothers are cute? ME: They are? FOUR YEAR OLD KATIE: Uh huh. They’re very cute. … Continue reading

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Conversation about peeing in the pool

Scene: the hotel swimming pool 3 YEAR OLD NATALIE: I got to potty. MELISSA: Do you have to pee or poo? 3 YEAR OLD NATALIE: I got to pee. 4 YEAR OLD KATIE: It’s OK, Natalie. You can pee in … Continue reading

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Things I would never have thought would sell: Bass fishing video games

“So, what, you fish for the bass with machine guns and bazookas?” “Nope. Just plugs and spinnerbait and such.” “Not even car batteries or dynamite?” “Neh. Most times a plastic worm and a slow retrieval are your best friends.” “Huh.”

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Conversation about the fire department

MELISSA: Do you know where the closest fire station is to our house? ME: It used to be about a mile away, but they moved. MELISSA: Where did they move? ME: Not sure. MELISSA: You’re not sure? ME: Nope. MELISSA: … Continue reading

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Conversation about a shallot

WIFE: Have you seen my shallot? ME: Nope. WIFE: It was next to the sink. ME: Yeah? WIFE: It was brown. It looked like an onion. ME: That was a shallot? WIFE: Yes. ME: I thought shallots looked like green … Continue reading

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My wife’s conversation about college with our four year old

KATIE: I’m going to college. MELISSA: You are? KATIE: Uh huh. MELISSA: What are you going to study? KATIE: Music and art. MELISSA: Oh no you’re not. You’re going to study something that will get you a job. Previously: Conversation … Continue reading

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Conversation at the jewelry counter about earrings

MELISSA: Do you like these? ME: They’re … um … MELISSA: I thought you liked long earrings. ME: I do. It’s just … those are too … chunky. MELISSA: Okay. How about these? ME: I like those. They’re dangley. MELISSA … Continue reading

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Conversation about college with my four year old

We’re watching Blue’s Clues and Steve (the guy in the green shirt) is talking about going to college. KATIE: I want to go to college. ME: It’s good to go to college. You can learn a lot. Did you know … Continue reading

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Conversation at the new Cafe 4, downtown Knoxville

WAITRESS: And what would you like, sir? MELISSA’S CO-WORKER: I’ll have the All-American Burger. WAITRESS: Excellent choice. MELISSA’S CO-WORKER: So you’ve had it? WAITRESS: Well, no. I’m a vegan. But if I wasn’t a vegan I think I’d really like … Continue reading

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It Must Be Weird Having Me As a Dad

KATIE: I’m hungry ME: You’re hungry? KATIE: I’m hungry. ME: Do you want to eat some rocks? KATIE: No! ME: How about furniture? KATIE: (laughing) No! ME: We could eat a computer. KATIE: (laughing) No! ME: You can have this … Continue reading

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Conversation About a Snail, or, Photo-editing with Picasa: Focal B&W Filter

KATIE: Look at my snail! ME: Oh, wow. What’s his name? KATIE: Little Tiny Turtle. … KATIE: He’s really brown. I took that photo Father’s Day morning after we dressed the girls. I loved the photo, but for some reason … Continue reading

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Conversation at the Computer

So I’m reading the Wikipedia entry on Marion Barry and discover there’s a blackberry cultivar called the marionberry. ME: So you know Marion Barry, the mayor of Washington, D.C.? MELISSA: Yeah? ME: So there’s a blackberry named the marionberry. It’s … Continue reading

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Conversation in a Food City Checkout Line

JAY: Do you have your Food City card? ME: I think. Maybe on my keychain. JAY: Here. You can use mine. ME: I’m using your Food City card? Cool. In that case I want five enema bottles, a gross of … Continue reading

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Conversation in the Living Room

MELISSA: What are you laughing about? ME: Oh, I’m retarded. I think it’s funny to put the word “ball” on the end of the name of sports that don’t have “ball” on them. MELISSA: What? ME: So like there’s baseball, … Continue reading

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Conversation in a Kroger’s Checkout Line

CASHIER: Do you have your Kroger Plus card? ME: I don’t have it with me. Do you have one I can swipe? CASHIER: Oh, you can just enter your area code and phone number and it brings your account up. … Continue reading

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The Air Head Talks to the Baby

People who know me will tell you I don’t talk a lot. When I’m around our baby daughter I try to talk more. I can tell she likes when I talk to her, and I enjoy talking to her. Thing … Continue reading

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Conversation at a Urinal

In the men’s room at Barley’s tonight I stepped up to a urinal with fluid on the floor. ME: A puddle. Let’s hope that’s water. GUY NEXT TO ME: Yeh. (pause) You know the joke? If you shake it more … Continue reading

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